Friday, July 21

Depression

Hello everyone,

this is not a topic that I often talk about these days. However, Linkin Park's lead singer Chester Bennigton just died of suicide. So, tonight, I decided to tell you a story about my depression.   It is quite a sensitive topic for me to talk about but I am just trying to spill out my mind. I understand many people feel a great depression at some stage of their lives.

Hi, I am Keerasara, and this is my story.

I have been dealing with depression for over a decade. If you knew what is on my mind, you would be in tears. There are many things about me that nobody knows, not even my family or my closest friends. I am an open book, I tell most of my random stories to my parents and also my friends. So, people would think that they completely know my story, but they are wrong. You are not even close to knowing what is really in my heart's core. Back to depression, it is because sometimes if I ever tell people what I really feel, they would not have done anything. Well, I do not expect anyone to do anything though. Nobody understands. I get it, you would tell me, somebody is battling their cancer, somebody have no parents to live with. But the thing is, there are many layers of my mind that you have literally no idea about. People told me,

"How do I help you, if you sugar coat everything that you are saying?" 

"How do I help you, if you do not want to tell me what is your problem?"

"How do I help you, if you, yourself cannot accept it?"

I said, simple, just don't leave me alone. Is that a hard thing for you to do?

"Oh wow, you just want attention"

"What an attention whore"

Easy, if you cannot accept it, just leave. If you want to live, just stay gone. You told me, if I had any problem or I am dealing with these mental issues, I should reach out. Tell me how do I reach out if there's no hand that is willing to pull it? I am not an attention seeker, and this is my way to express my heart. The way I, myself, curb my depression is by being surround by people. Is it too much I ask for? People will never going to always be there for you, but to me, it is better to appreciate or care for somebody when they are still on the radar rather than being too late and out of sight. When somebody is there, I just barely think about the real problem that I am facing. I understand how needy that is for a person to long for. That is the only way for me to stay sane and not thinking of how worthless and unappreciated I feel in my life. I might be 22, today to be exact, but honestly speaking, I feel like I am 44. I feel like I have been through too much and I cannot stand it anymore. I feel like there is a hole in my chest. I feel like there is this incurable sadness that I have been feeling. It is the exact same feeling since I first feel depression. It is not something that I made up, it is not something anyone should belittle it. There is no such thing as a problem too small or a problem too huge. Right now, I feel the saddest I have ever been in my life. I do not know how do I describe it, but the pain is surreal.

Mind you, that I am not depressed of my looks or my body or things about myself because I have learnt how to appreciate the skin I am in. I have real problems that I don't think any other 22 years old would know. I am thankful for the live god gave me. But I just wish that things will go back to normal because I hate pretending that I am happy. I am tired of making other people happy while I, myself feel like the worst person ever. I understand, some people had it worse than me, but some people had the world. I don't think I deserve to feel this way.

I just hope my post can open up some of your eyes and I do not need sympathy. But here is some advice, if you saw your friend is feeling down, it is not that bad for you to at least ask how they feel. I swear to god, it will make somebody's day and make that person forget about their problem for a little while. If they do not want to talk about it, please don't force. Some things are better left private because there are things that you just cannot share to other people.

Anyhow, I just wish to feel a little happier and I hope you will never feel the pain I am feeling. Thank you for stopping by. Till then!

Love,
Keerasara

Saturday, July 1

What to Expect : Budget Trip Malaysia



Hi everyone, it's me! Today I would like to share some of my tips apart of being a broke kid. If you are a student and blessed with money and love, you are considered lucky. Side note, I collected this money using the business money I generated from my igshop : @srym_faced. Alhamdulillah, it is like the only thing that I can be proud of myself. Anyway, that is not the point of this post. As for my university, now is our semester break. So, if you would like to de-stress and have some quality time spent with some friends, here is some "guide" for you. 



(Random Vlog)

idk how to ride a bike HAHAHA



Plan the journey and activity well. plan your trip (of course lol). 
Ours were impromptu, we decided to have this trip because most of us are graduating and there might not be a better chance for us to travel together next time. Impromptu plans are the best, there would be less expectation. The amount of people in the group should not be too many or else it would be harder to control, in my opinion. 

Survey some cheap places to stay for the night. 
Don't settle for hotels.
We went to 3 states in 3 days, which were Kedah, Penang and Perak. We stayed in a "Kampung Sewa" I guess, which consists of a "Rumah Kampung" and "Rumah Batu". There were 9 of us who joined this trip, so the guys slept in Rumah Kampung, whereas the girls slept in Rumah Batu. Double standard much? Lol. How much does it cost? Wait, we'll talk about calculations in a bit.  On the second night, we rent 2 apartments in Penang. 
Rumah Kampung Kedah


First Day : Kedah
Activity  : Long journey from Cyberjaya to Kedah, home town visit, BBQ night and games!
8 hours of journey, unpacked all of the stuffs, bought the food to BBQ at night and play games like Police and Thieves (the usuals)

Second Day : Penang
Activity : (idk how many hours of journey from Penang to Kedah because I slept lol), Nasi Kandar hunting, Bukit Bendera, Old Penang Road (Rid the bikes), Bukit Ferigghi, Dinner and more games.
We spent some generous amount of time at Bukit Bendera, and Old Penang Road. After we had some deserts, we went to sight see the sea and watched the sunset. We had the famous Char Kwey Teow at night and continue with games in the room.

Third Day : Ipoh
Activity : Food Museum, Nasi Vanggay Ipoh Hunting and Cendol.
We had our breakfast at the famous Roti Kawin stall in Penang and we went to explore the Food Museum. It was so worth it. Next, we drove to Ipoh for Nasi Vanggay, some of us never tried Nasi Vanggay. It's famous for the addictive taste of rice and chicken and the special curry. Indeed, addictive! They also call it as Nasi Ganja. We had cendol after that and straight to Puchong. 


Then, yay! The fun part, the calculations. 
Please be aware of your budget, do not swipe on your card or cash out extra money from the ATM because your goal here is to have a Budget Trip

As a broke student,  I do not have much money to spare because I am really tight on budget. Therefore, here are some tips for you.



1. Save up till you have RM350 in your pocket, or else do not join the trip (I collected some cash months before I knew about the existence of this trip) - Petrol, place to stay, food and souvenirs. 
2.  From that RM350, put aside RM50 for emergency or urgent money.
3. Put only RM250 in your envelope, so that you will not overspend. Hide the excess RM100 in another envelope.

Ok, I am going to write down the money I spent here again just in case it is not clear. I had a clear mindset where I can only spend RM250, and save the rest for next trip or so. 

Food (breakfast + lunch) RM20 
Gas money RM22 
Tol RM16 
Room RM10 
Cut fruits RM2  
Mineral Water RM5 
BBQ RM10 
Gas money RM12 
Bukit bendera RM5 
Ice cream RM2.50 
Nasi kandar RM8.80 
Souvenir RM11 
Bicycle RM10 
Starbucks RM5 
Room RM26 
Ice cream RM2 
Parking RM1 
Parking RM1 
ParkingRM1 
Pants RM25 
Shorts RM10 
Dinner RM4 
Roti Talab and Lunch RM10 
Muzeum RM10 
Food and gas RM10 (RM6 and RM4) 
Tol RM18 
Total : RM257.30 (exceeded by RM7.30)

Food : RM75.30 
So in average, I spent around RM25.10 for food in a day. I admit that I love to eat, therefore I spent a lot on my happy tummy.
leftover from BBQ


Roti Talab ke Roti Kawin

Allocation (Room): RM36 
Before it's divided, the price is approximately RM324 for all 9 of us. Note to you, it is for 2 nights stay and 2 room (each room has 2 extra room in it). The mean is around RM18 per night. What a steal! 

Gas Money/ Tol : RM72 
We spent a lot on gas money and tol since we drove two cars and we drove for two states. The lump sum is approximately RM648 for 9 people, with two cars. 

Activities/ Parking : RM28
Yes, activities are cheap, we went to the places that do not really require a lot of money. We went for pictures and memories. 
Cute Rides!

A must go museum!

Souvenirs : RM46



Anyway, I hope some of my tips are a tad bit helpful because to me it is not easy to save money these days. Have a great holiday! Till then.



Love,
Keerasara

What To Expect : Internships Q&A

Hi!
Here are some of the questions collected by some people who private messaged me, especially on Twitter. Yes, I am here to talk about internship again.

Q : What did you do during your first day of internship?
A :  Introduction to the colleagues, and what I had to do during the whole period. On my first day, I got a hand in job, where I had to help my supervisor about the report. As I was an Intern at Telekom Malaysia, I had to help them with the FCCAS Report, as well as the table and mind maps in the report.

Q : How long was your internship period?
A : 3 months.

Q : Do you have to learn anything before going for intern?
A : Strengthen your Microsoft Word & Excel skill. Do not lie in your CV, if you had intermediate skill of using it, do not state "Proficient in using Microsoft Word or Excel". It is because, later, when the Pivot Table comes and other harder tasks are given, you'll not be taught. 

Q : What to bring during meetings?
A : Pen and a notebook where you write down every details of your internship. Do not write it on just plain papers because you need these information that you jot down in your final internship report.

Q : How did the supervisor access you?
A : How efficient I did the work. It is kind of scary to ask other colleagues actually because everyone is too busy their work, and they have no time to walk you through your tasks.  

Q : Is your job log full?
A : Yes, get your supervisor to sign your job log every end of the week or month.

Q: How hard is the work of an intern?
A : It was not hard, in my opinion. Maybe the SAP application was the hardest, because you know accounting is not my forte. Otherwise, just excel the art of using Microsoft and do not procrastinate. 

Q : How was your internship presentation?
A : My lecturer came to access me. I did my presentation about the company, their intermediaries, my managers' job details, the tasks that I was assigned to do, and some screenshots of my work throughout the 3 months. 

Sorry for not updating as frequent, If there are any questions, please feel free to leave a message or PM me via Twitter : @keerasara

Love,
Keerasara

Friday, May 12

What To Expect : What's Going On

Hello beautiful creatures,

it is Keera, if you are here for the first time, welcome to my blog. I cannot proclaim myself as an avid blogger, but I've been busy with my final year recently. I do not have much time to write here. Anyhow, let's start with our topic today.

So, I have been dealing with a lot of shit with my life these days. There are some stuffs that are too private for me to share with the world. To be very honest, I have been dealing with really bad depression these days. Mind you, I do not have relationship problem or self hate or things like that. To me my family is the most important. It is really hard for me to sleep at night, I am too sad that I just black off and feel tired throughout the day. I do not share my problems with people but I always motivate myself that I have to make through it every single day. That is one thing that I love myself. I love myself for being able to go through my days like other teenager (well, I am no longer a teen but I am a young adult). Despite of my problems, I pray for other people my age to not feel like how I feel. It is worse than a break up nor struggling with your grades. To me that is capable but this is the pain that I cannot endure. I love myself to be able to laugh like normal everyday. I do get tired sometimes, but I always tell myself that I am stronger than this.

Well here is a piece of advice to my readers who are dealing with problems in your life.
Firstly, please remember that god is real. I trust Allah's plan. I know that Allah is there with me. It is not about being pious or religious but if you believe in god's plan, He will ease your way. Second, maybe you think that you are unfortunate to be living in such pain, but please remember that some people might had it worse. Third, I learnt to surround myself around people, do not isolate yourself, thinking that being alone is the best way, it is better that you surround yourself in a sea of faces than getting yourself choked with your own thoughts every single day. I totally understand if you said that you feel alone, and there is nobody to help you or nobody understands you. But it is better if you stay away from your room, get yourself a cup of coffee, and try examine other people's behavior.

I have been surrounded with people who are more than me. They are rich and they have everything. Do I envy them? No. I take it this way, Allah tests me this way because He loves me and He wants me to stay strong and know that I have a long way ahead. If I cannot get through the pain right now, how can I survive in my life? I love myself for being more positive these days. Even things get harder, I have to find a way to survive. Dear readers, if you are lonely, please go to a coffee shop or a library, you will see many people who are alone, everyone has a different story. So do not give up now.

Do not think about your insecurities, such as how ugly you are or how fat you are. Things like that were the issue when you were younger, if you are dealing with this kind of shenanigans, it means that you are still stuck in your past. Look forward, if you are built that way, accept it. I learnt how to accept how I look regardless how crappy I look. It's okay. Try to focus on the goods in life. In shaa Allah, you will make it through. It is cliche if I were to tell you this, but if you do not love the way you are, who is going to love you? Be yourself because everyone has their own stance of beauty. I do not even like how I look like, but I have to accept it. I have better things to worry about, we are getting older from day to day, so start throwing away those insecurities and think about a real life problem. I wish I could tell more about my problem, but it will invade my personal life.

To whoever you are, you are more than this and you are not alone.
Till then!
Love,
Keerasara 

Monday, October 31

What to Expect : What To Bring On The First Day Of Internship

Hi everyone, as for the first day of Internship. You have to bring all of your required forms as shown below. Report duty form will be given to you by the company (I cannot show mine since it is stated that it is PnC by Telekom Malaysia Berhad). Bring those along with you! Do not forget it, your monitor will check your details on the first day.



1


2
3

4

5 - The files that the company emailed to you



Things to bring :

These printed forms
Two copies (if possible)
IC
ID
Pencil case
A notebook that you will use for the whole internship journey
Laptop (They do not have a laptop for me on the first day)

On the next post, I will share to you about my experience of the first day of Internship and what to expect. Stay tuned! Take care.

Love, 
Keerasara

What to Expect : The Internship (Appeal For Internship)

Hi everyone! As promised, here is the continuation of the previous post. 


Since I have highlighted that you need to write an appeal letter. I am sure that you will ask yourself, and google "How to write an appeal letter to go for an internship". Yes, that's what I googled before. The issue was, instead of 80 credit hours, my credit hour was 77 credit hours because I have yet to sit for another subject.

Disclaimer : It depends on your lecturer okay, do not put the blame on me or tell your lecturer
"eh this minah said that you can go for intern even though your credit hour is not above the required one" okay?

I did not notice this problem until the 12th week of the semester before internship. I consulted a few lecturers and asked for their help. You need to write a very strong reason for you to really want to go for internship with supporting details. Next you have to show it to the ITC lecturer, get it verified and go to the FOM counter and consult them and GET it done on the same day too. Get it confirmed that you can go for internship.

How to get my appeal letter accepted?

 Easy!
  1. Write the appeal letter
  2. Confirm with lecturer (need to have lecturer's sign and stamp)
  3. Confirm with FOM counter

After that, then you can confirm with the company that offered you a space. (What I did was I accepted the offer first, WRONG, you should take note about this, do not accept before confirming)

Here is how you can write your appeal letter :

Tips to write an appeal letter for Internship :
  1. State the REAL reason (sorry if you have too many subjects to be taken, you need to see your ITC)
  2. You need to say that you HAVE to stick to your course plan
  3. Print out some supporting details (course example)
  4. Tell them that you are afraid that your course structure will be dragged if you do not follow the plan)
  5. Be polite
  6. Do not say "SORRY" so many times, (the lecturer who guided me told me, if you say sorry to many times, it seems petty and desperate)
Okay, I hope this can help you to get you a spot for internship. Good luck! Thank you for reading. Take care.

Love,
Keerasara

What to Expect : The Internship (Before you go for Internship)

Hi Everyone! Should I start a series of Internship? Now that my Internship is over, I can share with you about the things I did during my days as a trainee.

Here, I will try to gather as much information for you guys.

First and foremost, here are some details about me, so that you can get a clearer picture of my personal background. I am a third year degree student from a local private university, MMU Cyberjaya. My internship duration was from March 2016 until June 2016. (Yup, my batch went for our intern during our trimester break). The placed that I worked as an Intern was Telekom Malaysia Berhad Malaysia that is located in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur.

Before our internship, I went to a briefing organized by my faculty lecturer, Dr Noor Ashikin. So here are some things that you need to prepare before going for your internship. Mind that it varies for other faculties and courses. As for Bachelor of Finance, here are some notes from my phone that I got to jot down on 2nd December 2015 (briefing).

What To Expect : Apologies

Hi earthlings,
I am back on track. It's been a few months since I last updated my blog, I am an anonymous blogger in another blog, but whatever it is I am back here to where I belong.

Updates : I am done as an intern!

I promise to give you the full overview of my internship within this week. Take care.

Love,
Keerasara

Sunday, June 5

What to Expect : Self-Acceptance Part 2

How to accept yourself better? 

Be spiritual. It leads to a beautiful mindset. Make your personal prayers more sincere by taking time to think before you pray. Always be thankful of what god gave you. Most of the time, Allah answers our prayer. It is only in a matter of time. If he did not answer your prayers today, He might answer it sooner or later, it is never a No. Recite du’as. Recite zikir. If I feel sad and torn, this is the thing that I would do because whatever it is, turn to Allah. He listens. Humans, they listen too, but not everyone around us want us to be happy. We all have our own agendas. Whatever you do, Allah always comes first.

Next, keep track of a journal. Follow your flow. In your journal, make a list of things you’re thankful for. Every single day, take time to think of specific blessings that often go unnoticed.

Example : 

Sunday 05062016
i) I met an old friend of mine
ii) impromptu lunch
iii) bought a new journal which I can doodle
iv) I got to eat everything I ever craved of before Ramadan started
v) went to a place full of outstanding, gorgeous mirrors

Whenever you’re feeling down, jot it down too. There is always good and bad in every single thing you do in life. Once you are done, pull out your journal and remind yourself of your many blessings.
Do small acts of service for others that will cause them to be very thankful. Give donations to surau or mosque, give a simple present to a friend, send a long text to the people you are grateful of, baking cupcakes for a friend, simple surprise or helping someone with homework are some examples.


Maybe some people do not notice it, but all of the little thing counts. As for me, seeing a friend text or whatsapp me “Hi” really made my day. I don’t know, I like it when people take initiative to text first because it made me feel valued. I also like to approach a friend too, but not most of the time though, I’m afraid that I will annoy anyone. Regardless of any lazy texters, I still feel overjoyed even you replied me every 24 hours once, honestly. 

Love,
Keerasara

What to Expect : Self-Acceptance Part 1

Not gonna lie, sometimes I do feel disheartened by people’s behavior. Without me realizing it, I might not know how my behaviors affect other people’s feelings.

Whatever it is, do not hold grudges. It is better to let go of grudges, and in deed it is for your own sake. If somebody else made you sad, lower down your ego and be the one who clears the problem first.

If you get disappointed in them, remember that you might disappoint another.

Remember, life is a wheel. You get what you deserve. If you are a highly sensitive person like me, it is okay, our type exist. To those people who cannot accept this fact, you got to realize that your type exist too. I am an easily butthurt person, I feel like people secretly hate this behavior of mine and I could tell. But one thing I could say is I am sorry. Try your best to feel happy. Fulfill yourself with positive thoughts, some people are toxic, let them be. You are toxic. 

Let go of the bad things in life. Breathe and take a minute to reflect. Self-reflect is a good technique for you to accept yourself. Not everyone can accept you the way you are but you can. 

Love,
Keerasara