Saturday, May 12

Exhibit A : Cranioplasty and EVD




And this.. my friends.

(LAYMAN TERMS) 
 It’s called Cranioplasty where they put back the skull that they take off. When the skull has been taken off, they’ll refrigerate the bone in a “Bone Freezer”, I forgot the medical term!! Or they would cut a portion of a patient’s stomach and keep the skull in the stomach till it is ready to be used. The stomach has the suitable temperature for the skull to be stored. If it’s freezed in the “fridge” it will expire and they have to use some other mechanisms to replace the bone. 

I don’t want to gross out some of you. But these are some pictures I googled that’s more like my mom’s. Yes, berat mata memandang, lagi berat bahu yang memikulnya. (Not me, but her)








Diary Ibu : From Start till the end of her life

This is a summary of my Mom's #diaryrecoveryibunina. I'm sorry for the long post, my blog is my reference. Just incase somebody are going through this, this might help.

Firstly

Happy Mother's Day to every mom out there.

Hi everyone, I've been waiting for this day since forever. Originally, if my mom is still alive, I planned to buy her a new "Donut Pillow", some flowers and balloons and bring it to Neuro ward. But Allah has better plans, He took my mom away from me before I even get the chance to celebrate this day. So I would like to take this opportunity and write about my journey with my mom during these 8 months.

Here is my ibu!!!



September (2 Major Operations)

On 31/08/2017 at 8.29pm, my mom collapsed while performing her mahgrib prayers (Malam Raya Haji) in the room. My younger brother (Aizat) found him "sleeping" on the floor in the room. I went to check on her and her face was bluish (pale) and her telekung was full of vomit. I ran to a nurse's house and ran to the surau to get my dad and pakcik pakcik surau's help.

Ibu was rushed to Hospital Kajang's Red Zone ER and to HKL's Red Zone ER right after they found my mom has bleeding in her right brain. She was put in to HDW and had major surgeries on 02/09/2017. They took out ibu's right skull because the Ruptured Aneurysm is threatening her life.

Survival rate? 70(fatal)/30(alive). My mom was in HDW when I graduated my degree, I'm sorry ibu you did not get to see me on stage but I swear that was one of my saddest days ever, everyone had their parents with them except for me. Anyhow, my friends showed me support. Ibu kept on saying "Lapar" "Haus" she could not eat. Her head was bulging (macam u selalu tengok orang tumor otak)


October (1 Major Operation, 1 Operation)

My mom had an operation on 02/10/2017 to get the abscess out and another operation was a procedure for VP Shunt on 13/10/2017. I could not remember between the date that my mom was put into Neurosurgerical ICU. But during that time, I swear I could not recognize my mom's face. "Daddy, ibu macam tak lama je".. During this month, she could talk to us, I was so afraid that my mom couldn't recognize us. On 17/10/2017, that was the first time I could feed her food since the day she collapsed, which was on Merdeka Day.

She got to come back home on 20/10/2017, my cousin Kak Koni helped us a lot throughout these days. Ibu got her first sirap ais, and played with our cats. My dad, Aizat and Opah were all there entertaining her from morning till night. My mom was bedridden since the day she got sick. Her head was flapped (imagine kepala u tak ada setengah)

Common questions? 
How does she go to the toilet? Pampers. 4 to 6 times per day. We changed her pampers on the bed. The sheets need to be changed all the time. (Dad & Aizat : Morning Shift. Me : Night Shift)

Is it hemmorage stroke? No, since her Ruptured Aneurysm is on the right brain,all of her left side abdomens were functionless.

Can she talk? I can only understand 30% of it. (She stopped talking in January till forever)

November (1 Major operations, 2 Minor Operations)




To be honest, this was the best month I ever experienced in my life. It was so hard balancing my work life with my personal life. My mom had to go into ER multiple times on weekdays at 2am or so, I had sleepless nights waiting for my mom's procedure and I had to go to work in the morning. But during this month she was progressing so well. Daddy, Aizat and Opah took care of her very very well. Intensive physio were done. Ibu was talkative and mischievous this month. I thought that she is going to be fine this time. 5th operation was on 21/11/2017 (not too sure about this date). 6th and 7th operation was on 22/11/2017. OMG you guys, the skull that doctor took out is finally back in!!! Cranioplasty.

That day was the best day of my life. Ibu looked so fresh after the operation and she could walk fo the first time. Ya Allah, a miracle. She was supposed to be bedridden, but thank you physio (Kak Diana) she could walk slowly(dengan izin Allah). Once again she beats all odds. However... the rainbow does not last forever, she fell again and hit the frontal part of the head.

Note : Brain damaged patients tend to have mood changes most of the time. This month she was like a 3 year old kid.

Note 2 : If your parents are having headaches most of the time, please bring them to the hospital. My mom’s BP was 215/150(if im not mistaken). Please be mindful.

December

She was at home after the skull placement. She was in the hospital back and forth throughout this month. She was so cheerful in the beginning and muted towards the end. Something bad happened and caused her to be Muted. She was admitted in the hospital, this time I could guard her at night, she was in normal ward. Her mood this month : Aggressive but quiet. After work, I slept in the ward (I did not sleep because she was aggressive and she was in pain most of the time). I had to change her pampers so many times because she pooped and tore the pampers a number of times. She puked all the time. Allah was testing my patience. But I told myself, not many has the chance to take care of their sick parents, I have the chance and I know that Allah will reward me one day. I was tired, restless and I felt so sad because I have no sister to help me in the ward but that’s okay I learnt that I am more capable than ever. I have no energy to change the pampers all the time alone, my mom was heavy when she was bedridden, so the process of changing the pampers, wetness, and cleaning the poop was tiring. Yet Allah gave me the strength to pull through. I guarded the patients laying next to my mom as well. That's the best thing I could do. But I never feel like it’s a hassle. I was so happy and content for the fact that Allah gave me this chance to serve for my beloved birth giver.

January 2018




January was a stagnant month. She was quiet throughout the month. I think she could talk bits by bits but not much. Condition keeps on worsening. 

Note : Take note to any small changes.

February (1 Operation)

She got into Hospital Rehab Cheras (HRC) with the recommendation of NeuroClinic Doctor in HKL. But on 14/02/2018, I took a day off and we were so excited to send her to HRC but the doctor said there was something wrong, probably the VP shunt was blocked.

On 15/02/2018, she was rushed to HKL and yes, after CT Scan, her VP shunt is definitely blocked. The 8th operation was on 22/02/2018, they took out the VP shunt out of her brain because it has a blockage. Then again, I was running back and forth to from office to HKL to get things done. Yes work or mom?

Note : Mom is irreplaceable, but work is important. Do not mix your personal stress into work. I tend to hold my tears everytime when I’m at work because it shows maturity and diligence.

March (1 minor operation)

Ibu's left hand got dislocated. Allahu, I could not imagine her face during this time. They shaved ibu's head again this time. Again, with another operation on 08/03/2018, the 9th operation. They changed the EVD.

Her brain got infected with bacteria. Then her blood got infected too. I was so stupid to think that it would recover by antibiotics. Little did I know, her life was nearly at the end. In March, Opah followed me to work everyday and she went to HKL to look for ibu, a mother's love is endless. My mom had to use the breathing support. However, because of work, I only get to see her at most 10 minutes daily after work with dad. I arrived at work at 6.20am to get my stuff done before 5.45pm. I cannot stay for OT because during this time, I felt the need to accompany ibu and I felt depressed whenever I didn’t get to see her even for one day. My brother was at Uni.

Condition : Fully bedridden. Muted 100%.


April (2 operations) - THE END

10th operation was on 02/04/2018, to change the EVD. Allah gave us a little taste of happiness. Ibu could move her left leg and right fingers. She could even react and smiled on Daddy's birthday, 08/04/2018. I was laying next to ibu one day, I felt like she is going to leave me soon, then she ran her fingers through my face and patted me slowly.

That was the best, warm feeling I had ever feel throughout the second life. I regret the days when I think she could live longer. I regret the days when I chose somebody else over her. I regret the days when I was so timid to do her positioning. I was convinced that she was okay but I did not know that the infection has high mortality rate. On 11/04/2018, I had an exam, my mind and heart were with ibu. I did it and passed it. She had her last and final operation on 12/04/2018, which was on Opah's birthday. But there was abscess all over the CSF and drainage bag. On 13/04/2018, the nurse called me in the morning and asked me to come over immediately to inform things.

"99% of the brain is damaged, 1% survival rate." Allahu.. Daddy & I were speechless. We did not cry. But how long could we stand, we burst crying on the floor. 1% is as good as she's dead. We had to be prepared. I thought she would leave us that day, but Allah spared us with two more days. On 15/04/2018, I wrapped her body with my arms. My dad, Aizat, Opah and my cousin, Abang Kamil took turns to recite shahadah until her last breath. She passed away peacefully at 2.59pm.She passed due to a virus in her brain called Pyoventriculitis. She was so beautiful when she passed away, I swear that was the prettiest time I've ever seen her. I swear I did not cry when my mom passed, I wanted her to leave me with peace. Though deep in my heart, I still want her here. But if I kept on saying “Ibu jangan tinggal kan kita..” she will feel the burden. I tried to accept it with an open heart. I felt ready but I never feel any broken in my life.

Everything happened so smoothly and she was buried after Mahgrib. So many people came, so many people helped us throughout this journey. Thank you to my mom's friends, they were there with her everytime. Thank you to Kak Koni, Kak Eda and Kak Ana (the closest ones to us, she helped me throughout many things), my cousins, families and some friends. I thank Allah for the second chance. My post on Twitter has 1.2million impressions from viewers, never expected that.


Thank you for praying for ibu and followed our story. I feel like I did not get to spend as much time as daddy, Aizat and Opah because I was busy working but Alhamdulillah, I did what it takes with my power to protect her and keep her warm when she was disabled. Thank you Allah for the chance. Thank you Allah for sending us calibre doctors to take care of Ibu. Thank you daddy for showing me the best trait of a man.

Redha. But I still wish she could see me grow up and be with me. Think of it again, she suffered too much and she fought to live for us. Now it's time for you to rest, my dear darling Ibu. I don't know when would I recover from this crippling depression. Give me some time to grief, give me some time to mourn. I will miss you forever, big Baby. Happy Mother's Day, Ibu. Al-fatihah. I may not be the best, but I hope I did my best to keep you safe these 8 months. To those out there, please spend more time with your moms and dads. Appreciate them while they are still around. Text them frequently. Take videos and pictures, you will need it one day. To all mothers, you rock our world.


A TINY HAPPY FAMILY


Love,
Keerasara


Tuesday, May 1

What To Expect : Losing A Dear Mom

Hi and Assalamualaikum.

Dear readers, I have stopped blogging since 9 months ago. Now I'm resuming my writing journey with a new chapter of my life. I stopped blogging for 9 months because my mom fell asick 8 months ago. Not a normal disease but the worst thing you could ever imagine of, a chronic brain disease. I will do a few write ups regarding ibu's death. But on this post, I'm stopping by to write down my feelings here. I miss you, mom. You left me for 16 days already. I never stopped thinking about you since the day you left. I wish I could tell you that I am going for an interview tomorrow. I wish I could get another kiss. I miss you mom, I always say that "Only death can tear us apart" and it did, be safe my dear darling. I love you to the moon and back. Al-fatihah, Maslina Bt Haji Yang Kamardin.

P.s: I will do a few write ups regarding this, please stay tuned if you're keen.
P.s.s : Damn it, I was cooking while typing this post, and my food burnt to the core. Ibu I need you *cries*

Your only girl,
Keerasara

Saturday, July 1

What to Expect : Budget Trip Malaysia



Hi everyone, it's me! Today I would like to share some of my tips apart of being a broke kid. If you are a student and blessed with money and love, you are considered lucky. Side note, I collected this money using the business money I generated from my igshop : @srym_faced. Alhamdulillah, it is like the only thing that I can be proud of myself. Anyway, that is not the point of this post. As for my university, now is our semester break. So, if you would like to de-stress and have some quality time spent with some friends, here is some "guide" for you. 



(Random Vlog)

idk how to ride a bike HAHAHA



Plan the journey and activity well. plan your trip (of course lol). 
Ours were impromptu, we decided to have this trip because most of us are graduating and there might not be a better chance for us to travel together next time. Impromptu plans are the best, there would be less expectation. The amount of people in the group should not be too many or else it would be harder to control, in my opinion. 

Survey some cheap places to stay for the night. 
Don't settle for hotels.
We went to 3 states in 3 days, which were Kedah, Penang and Perak. We stayed in a "Kampung Sewa" I guess, which consists of a "Rumah Kampung" and "Rumah Batu". There were 9 of us who joined this trip, so the guys slept in Rumah Kampung, whereas the girls slept in Rumah Batu. Double standard much? Lol. How much does it cost? Wait, we'll talk about calculations in a bit.  On the second night, we rent 2 apartments in Penang. 
Rumah Kampung Kedah


First Day : Kedah
Activity  : Long journey from Cyberjaya to Kedah, home town visit, BBQ night and games!
8 hours of journey, unpacked all of the stuffs, bought the food to BBQ at night and play games like Police and Thieves (the usuals)

Second Day : Penang
Activity : (idk how many hours of journey from Penang to Kedah because I slept lol), Nasi Kandar hunting, Bukit Bendera, Old Penang Road (Rid the bikes), Bukit Ferigghi, Dinner and more games.
We spent some generous amount of time at Bukit Bendera, and Old Penang Road. After we had some deserts, we went to sight see the sea and watched the sunset. We had the famous Char Kwey Teow at night and continue with games in the room.

Third Day : Ipoh
Activity : Food Museum, Nasi Vanggay Ipoh Hunting and Cendol.
We had our breakfast at the famous Roti Kawin stall in Penang and we went to explore the Food Museum. It was so worth it. Next, we drove to Ipoh for Nasi Vanggay, some of us never tried Nasi Vanggay. It's famous for the addictive taste of rice and chicken and the special curry. Indeed, addictive! They also call it as Nasi Ganja. We had cendol after that and straight to Puchong. 


Then, yay! The fun part, the calculations. 
Please be aware of your budget, do not swipe on your card or cash out extra money from the ATM because your goal here is to have a Budget Trip

As a broke student,  I do not have much money to spare because I am really tight on budget. Therefore, here are some tips for you.



1. Save up till you have RM350 in your pocket, or else do not join the trip (I collected some cash months before I knew about the existence of this trip) - Petrol, place to stay, food and souvenirs. 
2.  From that RM350, put aside RM50 for emergency or urgent money.
3. Put only RM250 in your envelope, so that you will not overspend. Hide the excess RM100 in another envelope.

Ok, I am going to write down the money I spent here again just in case it is not clear. I had a clear mindset where I can only spend RM250, and save the rest for next trip or so. 

Food (breakfast + lunch) RM20 
Gas money RM22 
Tol RM16 
Room RM10 
Cut fruits RM2  
Mineral Water RM5 
BBQ RM10 
Gas money RM12 
Bukit bendera RM5 
Ice cream RM2.50 
Nasi kandar RM8.80 
Souvenir RM11 
Bicycle RM10 
Starbucks RM5 
Room RM26 
Ice cream RM2 
Parking RM1 
Parking RM1 
ParkingRM1 
Pants RM25 
Shorts RM10 
Dinner RM4 
Roti Talab and Lunch RM10 
Muzeum RM10 
Food and gas RM10 (RM6 and RM4) 
Tol RM18 
Total : RM257.30 (exceeded by RM7.30)

Food : RM75.30 
So in average, I spent around RM25.10 for food in a day. I admit that I love to eat, therefore I spent a lot on my happy tummy.
leftover from BBQ


Roti Talab ke Roti Kawin

Allocation (Room): RM36 
Before it's divided, the price is approximately RM324 for all 9 of us. Note to you, it is for 2 nights stay and 2 room (each room has 2 extra room in it). The mean is around RM18 per night. What a steal! 

Gas Money/ Tol : RM72 
We spent a lot on gas money and tol since we drove two cars and we drove for two states. The lump sum is approximately RM648 for 9 people, with two cars. 

Activities/ Parking : RM28
Yes, activities are cheap, we went to the places that do not really require a lot of money. We went for pictures and memories. 
Cute Rides!

A must go museum!

Souvenirs : RM46



Anyway, I hope some of my tips are a tad bit helpful because to me it is not easy to save money these days. Have a great holiday! Till then.



Love,
Keerasara

What To Expect : Internships Q&A

Hi!
Here are some of the questions collected by some people who private messaged me, especially on Twitter. Yes, I am here to talk about internship again.

Q : What did you do during your first day of internship?
A :  Introduction to the colleagues, and what I had to do during the whole period. On my first day, I got a hand in job, where I had to help my supervisor about the report. As I was an Intern at Telekom Malaysia, I had to help them with the FCCAS Report, as well as the table and mind maps in the report.

Q : How long was your internship period?
A : 3 months.

Q : Do you have to learn anything before going for intern?
A : Strengthen your Microsoft Word & Excel skill. Do not lie in your CV, if you had intermediate skill of using it, do not state "Proficient in using Microsoft Word or Excel". It is because, later, when the Pivot Table comes and other harder tasks are given, you'll not be taught. 

Q : What to bring during meetings?
A : Pen and a notebook where you write down every details of your internship. Do not write it on just plain papers because you need these information that you jot down in your final internship report.

Q : How did the supervisor access you?
A : How efficient I did the work. It is kind of scary to ask other colleagues actually because everyone is too busy their work, and they have no time to walk you through your tasks.  

Q : Is your job log full?
A : Yes, get your supervisor to sign your job log every end of the week or month.

Q: How hard is the work of an intern?
A : It was not hard, in my opinion. Maybe the SAP application was the hardest, because you know accounting is not my forte. Otherwise, just excel the art of using Microsoft and do not procrastinate. 

Q : How was your internship presentation?
A : My lecturer came to access me. I did my presentation about the company, their intermediaries, my managers' job details, the tasks that I was assigned to do, and some screenshots of my work throughout the 3 months. 

Sorry for not updating as frequent, If there are any questions, please feel free to leave a message or PM me via Twitter : @keerasara

Love,
Keerasara

Monday, October 31

What to Expect : What To Bring On The First Day Of Internship

Hi everyone, as for the first day of Internship. You have to bring all of your required forms as shown below. Report duty form will be given to you by the company (I cannot show mine since it is stated that it is PnC by Telekom Malaysia Berhad). Bring those along with you! Do not forget it, your monitor will check your details on the first day.



1


2
3

4

5 - The files that the company emailed to you



Things to bring :

These printed forms
Two copies (if possible)
IC
ID
Pencil case
A notebook that you will use for the whole internship journey
Laptop (They do not have a laptop for me on the first day)

On the next post, I will share to you about my experience of the first day of Internship and what to expect. Stay tuned! Take care.

Love, 
Keerasara

What to Expect : The Internship (Appeal For Internship)

Hi everyone! As promised, here is the continuation of the previous post. 


Since I have highlighted that you need to write an appeal letter. I am sure that you will ask yourself, and google "How to write an appeal letter to go for an internship". Yes, that's what I googled before. The issue was, instead of 80 credit hours, my credit hour was 77 credit hours because I have yet to sit for another subject.

Disclaimer : It depends on your lecturer okay, do not put the blame on me or tell your lecturer
"eh this minah said that you can go for intern even though your credit hour is not above the required one" okay?

I did not notice this problem until the 12th week of the semester before internship. I consulted a few lecturers and asked for their help. You need to write a very strong reason for you to really want to go for internship with supporting details. Next you have to show it to the ITC lecturer, get it verified and go to the FOM counter and consult them and GET it done on the same day too. Get it confirmed that you can go for internship.

How to get my appeal letter accepted?

 Easy!
  1. Write the appeal letter
  2. Confirm with lecturer (need to have lecturer's sign and stamp)
  3. Confirm with FOM counter

After that, then you can confirm with the company that offered you a space. (What I did was I accepted the offer first, WRONG, you should take note about this, do not accept before confirming)

Here is how you can write your appeal letter :

Tips to write an appeal letter for Internship :
  1. State the REAL reason (sorry if you have too many subjects to be taken, you need to see your ITC)
  2. You need to say that you HAVE to stick to your course plan
  3. Print out some supporting details (course example)
  4. Tell them that you are afraid that your course structure will be dragged if you do not follow the plan)
  5. Be polite
  6. Do not say "SORRY" so many times, (the lecturer who guided me told me, if you say sorry to many times, it seems petty and desperate)
Okay, I hope this can help you to get you a spot for internship. Good luck! Thank you for reading. Take care.

Love,
Keerasara

What to Expect : The Internship (Before you go for Internship)

Hi Everyone! Should I start a series of Internship? Now that my Internship is over, I can share with you about the things I did during my days as a trainee.

Here, I will try to gather as much information for you guys.

First and foremost, here are some details about me, so that you can get a clearer picture of my personal background. I am a third year degree student from a local private university, MMU Cyberjaya. My internship duration was from March 2016 until June 2016. (Yup, my batch went for our intern during our trimester break). The placed that I worked as an Intern was Telekom Malaysia Berhad Malaysia that is located in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur.

Before our internship, I went to a briefing organized by my faculty lecturer, Dr Noor Ashikin. So here are some things that you need to prepare before going for your internship. Mind that it varies for other faculties and courses. As for Bachelor of Finance, here are some notes from my phone that I got to jot down on 2nd December 2015 (briefing).

What To Expect : Apologies

Hi earthlings,
I am back on track. It's been a few months since I last updated my blog, I am an anonymous blogger in another blog, but whatever it is I am back here to where I belong.

Updates : I am done as an intern!

I promise to give you the full overview of my internship within this week. Take care.

Love,
Keerasara

Sunday, June 5

What to Expect : Self-Acceptance Part 2

How to accept yourself better? 

Be spiritual. It leads to a beautiful mindset. Make your personal prayers more sincere by taking time to think before you pray. Always be thankful of what god gave you. Most of the time, Allah answers our prayer. It is only in a matter of time. If he did not answer your prayers today, He might answer it sooner or later, it is never a No. Recite du’as. Recite zikir. If I feel sad and torn, this is the thing that I would do because whatever it is, turn to Allah. He listens. Humans, they listen too, but not everyone around us want us to be happy. We all have our own agendas. Whatever you do, Allah always comes first.

Next, keep track of a journal. Follow your flow. In your journal, make a list of things you’re thankful for. Every single day, take time to think of specific blessings that often go unnoticed.

Example : 

Sunday 05062016
i) I met an old friend of mine
ii) impromptu lunch
iii) bought a new journal which I can doodle
iv) I got to eat everything I ever craved of before Ramadan started
v) went to a place full of outstanding, gorgeous mirrors

Whenever you’re feeling down, jot it down too. There is always good and bad in every single thing you do in life. Once you are done, pull out your journal and remind yourself of your many blessings.
Do small acts of service for others that will cause them to be very thankful. Give donations to surau or mosque, give a simple present to a friend, send a long text to the people you are grateful of, baking cupcakes for a friend, simple surprise or helping someone with homework are some examples.


Maybe some people do not notice it, but all of the little thing counts. As for me, seeing a friend text or whatsapp me “Hi” really made my day. I don’t know, I like it when people take initiative to text first because it made me feel valued. I also like to approach a friend too, but not most of the time though, I’m afraid that I will annoy anyone. Regardless of any lazy texters, I still feel overjoyed even you replied me every 24 hours once, honestly. 

Love,
Keerasara