Saturday, May 12

Diary Ibu : From Start till the end of her life

This is a summary of my Mom's #diaryrecoveryibunina. I'm sorry for the long post, my blog is my reference. Just incase somebody are going through this, this might help.


Happy Mother's Day to every mom out there.

Hi everyone, I've been waiting for this day since forever. Originally, if my mom is still alive, I planned to buy her a new "Donut Pillow", some flowers and balloons and bring it to Neuro ward. But Allah has better plans, He took my mom away from me before I even get the chance to celebrate this day. So I would like to take this opportunity and write about my journey with my mom during these 8 months.

Here is my ibu!!!

September (2 Major Operations)

On 31/08/2017 at 8.29pm, my mom collapsed while performing her mahgrib prayers (Malam Raya Haji) in the room. My younger brother (Aizat) found him "sleeping" on the floor in the room. I went to check on her and her face was bluish (pale) and her telekung was full of vomit. I ran to a nurse's house and ran to the surau to get my dad and pakcik pakcik surau's help.

Ibu was rushed to Hospital Kajang's Red Zone ER and to HKL's Red Zone ER right after they found my mom has bleeding in her right brain. She was put in to HDW and had major surgeries on 02/09/2017. They took out ibu's right skull because the Ruptured Aneurysm is threatening her life.

Survival rate? 70(fatal)/30(alive). My mom was in HDW when I graduated my degree, I'm sorry ibu you did not get to see me on stage but I swear that was one of my saddest days ever, everyone had their parents with them except for me. Anyhow, my friends showed me support. Ibu kept on saying "Lapar" "Haus" she could not eat. Her head was bulging (macam u selalu tengok orang tumor otak)

October (1 Major Operation, 1 Operation)

My mom had an operation on 02/10/2017 to get the abscess out and another operation was a procedure for VP Shunt on 13/10/2017. I could not remember between the date that my mom was put into Neurosurgerical ICU. But during that time, I swear I could not recognize my mom's face. "Daddy, ibu macam tak lama je".. During this month, she could talk to us, I was so afraid that my mom couldn't recognize us. On 17/10/2017, that was the first time I could feed her food since the day she collapsed, which was on Merdeka Day.

She got to come back home on 20/10/2017, my cousin Kak Koni helped us a lot throughout these days. Ibu got her first sirap ais, and played with our cats. My dad, Aizat and Opah were all there entertaining her from morning till night. My mom was bedridden since the day she got sick. Her head was flapped (imagine kepala u tak ada setengah)

Common questions? 
How does she go to the toilet? Pampers. 4 to 6 times per day. We changed her pampers on the bed. The sheets need to be changed all the time. (Dad & Aizat : Morning Shift. Me : Night Shift)

Is it hemmorage stroke? No, since her Ruptured Aneurysm is on the right brain,all of her left side abdomens were functionless.

Can she talk? I can only understand 30% of it. (She stopped talking in January till forever)

November (1 Major operations, 2 Minor Operations)

To be honest, this was the best month I ever experienced in my life. It was so hard balancing my work life with my personal life. My mom had to go into ER multiple times on weekdays at 2am or so, I had sleepless nights waiting for my mom's procedure and I had to go to work in the morning. But during this month she was progressing so well. Daddy, Aizat and Opah took care of her very very well. Intensive physio were done. Ibu was talkative and mischievous this month. I thought that she is going to be fine this time. 5th operation was on 21/11/2017 (not too sure about this date). 6th and 7th operation was on 22/11/2017. OMG you guys, the skull that doctor took out is finally back in!!! Cranioplasty.

That day was the best day of my life. Ibu looked so fresh after the operation and she could walk fo the first time. Ya Allah, a miracle. She was supposed to be bedridden, but thank you physio (Kak Diana) she could walk slowly(dengan izin Allah). Once again she beats all odds. However... the rainbow does not last forever, she fell again and hit the frontal part of the head.

Note : Brain damaged patients tend to have mood changes most of the time. This month she was like a 3 year old kid.

Note 2 : If your parents are having headaches most of the time, please bring them to the hospital. My mom’s BP was 215/150(if im not mistaken). Please be mindful.


She was at home after the skull placement. She was in the hospital back and forth throughout this month. She was so cheerful in the beginning and muted towards the end. Something bad happened and caused her to be Muted. She was admitted in the hospital, this time I could guard her at night, she was in normal ward. Her mood this month : Aggressive but quiet. After work, I slept in the ward (I did not sleep because she was aggressive and she was in pain most of the time). I had to change her pampers so many times because she pooped and tore the pampers a number of times. She puked all the time. Allah was testing my patience. But I told myself, not many has the chance to take care of their sick parents, I have the chance and I know that Allah will reward me one day. I was tired, restless and I felt so sad because I have no sister to help me in the ward but that’s okay I learnt that I am more capable than ever. I have no energy to change the pampers all the time alone, my mom was heavy when she was bedridden, so the process of changing the pampers, wetness, and cleaning the poop was tiring. Yet Allah gave me the strength to pull through. I guarded the patients laying next to my mom as well. That's the best thing I could do. But I never feel like it’s a hassle. I was so happy and content for the fact that Allah gave me this chance to serve for my beloved birth giver.

January 2018

January was a stagnant month. She was quiet throughout the month. I think she could talk bits by bits but not much. Condition keeps on worsening. 

Note : Take note to any small changes.

February (1 Operation)

She got into Hospital Rehab Cheras (HRC) with the recommendation of NeuroClinic Doctor in HKL. But on 14/02/2018, I took a day off and we were so excited to send her to HRC but the doctor said there was something wrong, probably the VP shunt was blocked.

On 15/02/2018, she was rushed to HKL and yes, after CT Scan, her VP shunt is definitely blocked. The 8th operation was on 22/02/2018, they took out the VP shunt out of her brain because it has a blockage. Then again, I was running back and forth to from office to HKL to get things done. Yes work or mom?

Note : Mom is irreplaceable, but work is important. Do not mix your personal stress into work. I tend to hold my tears everytime when I’m at work because it shows maturity and diligence.

March (1 minor operation)

Ibu's left hand got dislocated. Allahu, I could not imagine her face during this time. They shaved ibu's head again this time. Again, with another operation on 08/03/2018, the 9th operation. They changed the EVD.

Her brain got infected with bacteria. Then her blood got infected too. I was so stupid to think that it would recover by antibiotics. Little did I know, her life was nearly at the end. In March, Opah followed me to work everyday and she went to HKL to look for ibu, a mother's love is endless. My mom had to use the breathing support. However, because of work, I only get to see her at most 10 minutes daily after work with dad. I arrived at work at 6.20am to get my stuff done before 5.45pm. I cannot stay for OT because during this time, I felt the need to accompany ibu and I felt depressed whenever I didn’t get to see her even for one day. My brother was at Uni.

Condition : Fully bedridden. Muted 100%.

April (2 operations) - THE END

10th operation was on 02/04/2018, to change the EVD. Allah gave us a little taste of happiness. Ibu could move her left leg and right fingers. She could even react and smiled on Daddy's birthday, 08/04/2018. I was laying next to ibu one day, I felt like she is going to leave me soon, then she ran her fingers through my face and patted me slowly.

That was the best, warm feeling I had ever feel throughout the second life. I regret the days when I think she could live longer. I regret the days when I chose somebody else over her. I regret the days when I was so timid to do her positioning. I was convinced that she was okay but I did not know that the infection has high mortality rate. On 11/04/2018, I had an exam, my mind and heart were with ibu. I did it and passed it. She had her last and final operation on 12/04/2018, which was on Opah's birthday. But there was abscess all over the CSF and drainage bag. On 13/04/2018, the nurse called me in the morning and asked me to come over immediately to inform things.

"99% of the brain is damaged, 1% survival rate." Allahu.. Daddy & I were speechless. We did not cry. But how long could we stand, we burst crying on the floor. 1% is as good as she's dead. We had to be prepared. I thought she would leave us that day, but Allah spared us with two more days. On 15/04/2018, I wrapped her body with my arms. My dad, Aizat, Opah and my cousin, Abang Kamil took turns to recite shahadah until her last breath. She passed away peacefully at 2.59pm.She passed due to a virus in her brain called Pyoventriculitis. She was so beautiful when she passed away, I swear that was the prettiest time I've ever seen her. I swear I did not cry when my mom passed, I wanted her to leave me with peace. Though deep in my heart, I still want her here. But if I kept on saying “Ibu jangan tinggal kan kita..” she will feel the burden. I tried to accept it with an open heart. I felt ready but I never feel any broken in my life.

Everything happened so smoothly and she was buried after Mahgrib. So many people came, so many people helped us throughout this journey. Thank you to my mom's friends, they were there with her everytime. Thank you to Kak Koni, Kak Eda and Kak Ana (the closest ones to us, she helped me throughout many things), my cousins, families and some friends. I thank Allah for the second chance. My post on Twitter has 1.2million impressions from viewers, never expected that.

Thank you for praying for ibu and followed our story. I feel like I did not get to spend as much time as daddy, Aizat and Opah because I was busy working but Alhamdulillah, I did what it takes with my power to protect her and keep her warm when she was disabled. Thank you Allah for the chance. Thank you Allah for sending us calibre doctors to take care of Ibu. Thank you daddy for showing me the best trait of a man.

Redha. But I still wish she could see me grow up and be with me. Think of it again, she suffered too much and she fought to live for us. Now it's time for you to rest, my dear darling Ibu. I don't know when would I recover from this crippling depression. Give me some time to grief, give me some time to mourn. I will miss you forever, big Baby. Happy Mother's Day, Ibu. Al-fatihah. I may not be the best, but I hope I did my best to keep you safe these 8 months. To those out there, please spend more time with your moms and dads. Appreciate them while they are still around. Text them frequently. Take videos and pictures, you will need it one day. To all mothers, you rock our world.



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